Didn't Quite Catch It: Piercing Glare

A piercing glare. Do you see it? 

Capturing Sadness

Childhood Study: The Emotions They Ignored

When I was a child, I felt a lot of anger about the behavior of my parents. They despised each other and acted their hatred out on each other and on me. The story—even if it wasn't spoken out loud, I understood it—was that if it weren't for me, they wouldn't have to be together. I spent most of my childhood in quiet sadness, fear, and anger, and unable to speak with anyone about my feelings.  My parents liked it better when I disappeared, so I seethed inside, while chaos reigned around me. I, the child, was more in control of myself than the adults around me were. The cost was that I became a self-controlled adult, dissociated from myself and my feelings. After years of self-work, I grow more in touch with myself and my feelings every day, and I have found my voice to speak about them. Anger, however—I still sometimes don't know that I feel it for days. 

Broken Doll In Color

This could probably use more work, more details, but I get so attached to the marks I've made that I don't want to cover them. Lots of random playing might help with that fear, but a "broken doll" isn't very good at playing. (My mother liked to tell me I looked like a perfect little doll as a baby.)

I've moved my art studio, up from the dark and dirty basement and into the clean, bright kitchen. My art supplies are organized in the pantry, and my kitchen table has become my art space. Who eats in the kitchen, anyway? I may as well put it to good use.

The way I'm imaging it is that I'll create until I feel emotionally stuck, and then I'll sprint on the treadmill in my living room to loosen my defenses up, and then when I get my mind cleared and my body relaxed and tired out, I'll come back out to the kitchen for more drawing and painting. The problem is that my treadmill is broken, too. I think it would be a worthy investment to get it fixed!

Broken Doll

Here's a drawing I worked on today. I'll probably add paint to it. The good eye is a little droopy, but she's broken. What's a little deformation, too? I resist erasing something I've spent time on and redoing it. I also worked on a spread in my art journal. A grungy, weathered painting a la Julie Prichard. I'd work on it some more, but it's cold down in my basement art studio tonight.

Art Once In a While Month

In theory, art school isn't necessary, but I would like to find some exercises to bring me out of my comfort zone. I like the emotion that shows up in this portrait, which is one of the things that I'm working to convey, but using color in experimental ways, or doing something different than what I've already done is a struggle ... because I was the girl in this picture. Gah. 

AEDM Day 11

I added color, experimenting with leaving the face mostly black and white because I like the contrast, and adding abstract watercolor around the edges. I'm not happy with the abstract because you can't push-pull with watercolor like you can with acrylics, so I cut most of that out. It's all learning! I will keep trying until I come up with something I like. 

AEDM Day 7

AEDM #2: Grief

November is Art Everyday Month

Thank you to Artsyville for reminding me that it's Art Every Day Month. I was planning to get back into creating this month and this is just what I need to get started. Tonight I had time to do a quick sketch. I'm not living in a place that allows for messy painting right now, so I'm thinking I'll concentrate on pencil and watercolor. I'm a little rusty after not having drawn anything for a long time, and another month-long challenge will get me back into the swing of things. I found some videos on Suzi Blu's website that I look forward to watching, too. Woot! Here we go!

June Guy #2

Drawing someone you know is more anxiety producing than drawing someone you don't. It's hard to keep myself from criticizing my work and making excuses for the imperfections. 

June Guy #1

This poem is on my mind today:

The Pickaxe

tear down this house. A hundred thousand new houses can be built from the transparent yellow carnelian buried beneath it, and the only way to get to that is to do the work of demolishing and then digging under the foundations. With that value in hand all the new construction will be done without effort. And anyway, sooner or later this house will fall on its own. The jewel treasure will be uncovered, but it won't be yours then. The buried wealth is your pay for doing the demolition, the pick and shovel work. If you wait and just let it happen, you'd bite your hand and say, "I didn't do as I knew I should have." This is a rented house. You don't own the deed. You have a lease, and you've set up a little shop, where you barely make a living sewing patches on torn clothing. Yet only a few feet underneath are two veins, pure red and bright gold carnelian. Quick! Take the pickaxe and pry the foundation. You've got to quit this seamstress work. What does the patch-sewing mean, you ask. Eating and drinking. The heavy cloak of the body is always getting torn. You patch it with food, and other restless ego-satisfactions. Rip up one board from the shop floor and look into the basement. You'll see two glints in the dirt. ~Rumi

Summer of Color Week One: Dancer

I'm working on increasing my skill in drawing figures, hands, and clothing. I'm not completely happy with the face on this one, but I like the figure and the dress. This is my 13-year-old daughter in the rehearsal for her dance recital last weekend.

Edit (6/14): I decided to join the Summer of Color challenge because the colors in this picture fit the week one theme, which is "rainbow sherbet," even though I drew it and posted it the day before the challenge started.

Painted Face

Wide Sky Life

I did one in the style of denthe. I don't have all my supplies, so I will probably lighten up the face and add some more details later. I did an abstract background, and then I kept looking at it from various angles until a face appeared. Last night, I couldn't see anything, but when I got up this morning and glanced at the painting in passing, out popped a nose, mouth, and eyes. Fun! 

Attempt At a Self-Portrait

I look like a sour puss. I have a big nose, a tiny mouth, and buggy eyes. But the fact that I can draw myself—with glasses, and without anxiety, is massive progress. :-)

Yesterday's Face #29 With Color

I love the variations in watercolor.

I think the reason I love drawing and painting faces is that ...

I'm painting every part of me.

Bringing  myself to life.

29 Faces #29

A day late, but done!

29 Faces #28

One more to go—one more drawing and one more day. I thought I'd try drawing make-up and teeth. I usually avoid open mouths. One eye also looks a little googly. But I'm happy to have drawn another face.

29 Faces #27

I used the same model as yesterday, this time with paint. I had actually started this one first, but then I got my new hot press watercolor paper yesterday and wanted to start over. Today I decided to finish the first one that I started on cheap cold press paper. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I'm tired of messing with it. I had to make the hair up in both pictures because it didn't show in the photo I used. Hair is difficult enough without making it up! Ears are always a challenge, too.

One trick I'm learning is to take pictures of my work in progress so that I can then fix all the imperfections that I don't see beforehand. I keep telling myself I want to do that, but then I just want to post it and get it done for the day.